Laughter is sort of a natural truth detector. If you laugh at something, it's probably because there was some truth in it.

I don't want my president to be a TV star. You don't have to be on television every minute of every day - you're the president, not a rerun of 'Law & Order'. TV stars are too worried bout being popular and too concerned about being renewed.

If anti-gay stuff is always coming out of your mouth, something very gay is probably going in.

I love the Tea Party. They are the ultimate beer goggles. They make everything look better.

The Clinton White House today said they would start to give national security and intelligence briefings to George Bush. I don't know how well this is working out. Today after the first one Bush said, 'I've got one question: What color is the red phone?'

No politician is perfect. But in every election in your life, there will be one choice that is better than the others. Go out and vote for that one.

New Rule: President Bush must stop acting like WE'RE the idiots. He gives speech after speech, and the theme is always the same; 'What part of freedom don't you get, you morons?'. I'll answer that for you Mr. President. The part where you give it to people by blowing them up.