Of course, there are questions that plague all of us. How did we get here? What happens when we die? Is there a heaven? Am I on the list? Who let the dogs out?

Well, that's exactly the wrong attitude. That is not the attitude they had in World War II. You're attitude is that freedom means you can do whatever you want whenever you want it. And that sacrifice is somehow un-American. [...] But the idea that we should also be defensive about our flaws and our weaknesses and our vulnerabilities is ridiculous.

Things aren't right. If a burglar breaks into your home and you shoot him, he can sue you. For what, restraint of trade?

Disneyland's a mess. And it's not just the measles. Donald Duck has bird flu. Pocahontas has small pox. The Little Mermaid has crabs. And the Monorail? Mono.

[Obamacare] was going to be the Republicans' big issue, and they're not talking about it because it's working.

Like it or not, we're still a primitive tribe ruled by fears, superstition and misinformation.

I can't believe I'm saying this, but Obama looks like he DOES need a teleprompter.