I know how to be sour. I know that taste.

The only good thing about fame that I've gotten is I've gotten out of a couple of speeding tickets. I've gotten into a restaurant when I didn't have a suit and tie on. That's really about it.

I'm just a potato that won't quit. I'm a potato with some legs. Some have eyes, I've got legs.

Golf was my first glimpse of comedy. I was a caddy when I was a kid. I was on the golf course rather than being in lessons, but I can play better now than I could then.

There's only a couple times when fame is ever helpful. Sometimes you can get into a restaurant where the kitchen is just closing. Sometimes you can avoid a traffic violation. But the only time it really matters is in the emergency room with your kids. That's when you want to be noticed, because it's very easy to get forgotten in an ER.

You work, you get paid, you drink.

People only talk about what a joyous experience it is, but there is terror: Your life, as you know it, is over. It's over the day that child is born. It's over, and something completely new starts.