I'm not dumb. I just have a command of thoroughly useless information.

You know what's the rage this year? ...Hats.

Boy, there's nothing worse than an inscrutable omen.

Calvin: Dad where do babies come from? Dad: Well Calvin, you simply go to Sears, buy the kit and follow the assembly instructions. Calvin: I came from Sears? Dad: No you were a blue-light special at K-Mart - almost as good and a lot cheaper!

Van Gogh would’ve sold more than one painting if he’d put tigers in them.

Look! A trickle of water running through some dirt! I'd say our afternoon just got booked solid!

I must follow the inscrutable exhortations of my soul.