Weekends don't count unless you spend them doing something completely pointless.

CALVIN: When I grow up I want to be an inventor. First I will invent a time machine. Then I'll come back to yesterday and take myself to tomorrow and skip this dumb assignment.

I think hiccup cures were really invented for the amusement of the patient's friends.

We all have different desires and needs, but if we don't discover what we want from ourselves and what we stand for, we will live passively and unfulfilled. Sooner or later, we are all asked to compromise ourselves and the things we care about. We define ourselves by our actions. With each decision, we tell ourselves and the world who we are. Think about what you want out of this life, and recognize that there are many kinds of success.

I won't eat any cereal that doesn't turn the milk purple.

In the right hands, a comic strip attains a beauty and elegance that, really, I would put against any other art.

When life gives you lemons, chunk it right back.