I'm going to be your grandpa! / I have the biggest smile. / I've been waiting to meet you for such a long, long while.

Great news! Hosting Oscars counts five hours toward my community service!

Consider the rose...The rose is the sweetest smelling flower of all, and it's the most beautiful because it's the most simple, right? But sometimes, you got to clip the rose. You got to cut the rose back, so something sweeter smelling and stronger, and even more beautiful, will grow in its place

There's only, I think, in life, three things that I do pretty well: Performing, I still can field ground balls, and I make nice kids.

In high school, I was the class comedian as opposed to the class clown. The difference is the class clown is the guy who drops his pants at the football game, the class comedian is the guy who talked him into it.

I've always thought that the key to a good sex life is variety. That's why God gave me two hands. Humans love sex, we need sex, it's how we connect, it reminds us we're alive, it's the third most basic human need, after food and good movie popcorn.

I think when I feel I'm at my best is when I'm on stage, and it's my version of jazz because it's just riffing or something.