I'm going to be your grandpa! / I have the biggest smile. / I've been waiting to meet you for such a long, long while.

Despite what The Wall Street Journal says, our awards are the best-kept secret in America, with the possible exception of what George W. Bush did in the '70s.

When comedy is good, it's jazz. The beats of it, the looseness, the improvisational part, the music-the way you hit the inflection, the high notes of a joke. It's all melody to me.

The Passion of the Christ opened up on Ash Wednesday, had a Good Friday.

I love doing it [hosting the Oscars] because I love the danger of it and you have to come through and think on your feet. That's why that show, no matter who hosts it, it really should be a fast-thinking comedian who is really quick on their feet that can handle situations that happen, or somebody with that kind of mentality that can capitalize on something.

I think I've far exceeded what I ever thought I could possibly do. I'm almost shocked that I'm still around after all of these years . . . and always grateful that I get another turn to do something.

I'm a sucker for a free tuxedo.