I love doing it [hosting the Oscars] because I love the danger of it and you have to come through and think on your feet. That's why that show, no matter who hosts it, it really should be a fast-thinking comedian who is really quick on their feet that can handle situations that happen, or somebody with that kind of mentality that can capitalize on something.

From the first time I saw Sid Caesar be funny I knew that's what I had to do.

I had a dream that Connie Chung is doing a newscast about my death and they show a clip from Soap.

I'm a sucker for a free tuxedo.

Even when I was in school shows, in elementary school doing plays, I'd always go off book and start improvising.

It is better to look good than to feel good.

Whoo-hoo-hoo, look who knows so much. It just so happens that your friend here is only MOSTLY dead. There's a big difference between mostly dead and all dead. Mostly dead is slightly alive. With all dead, well, with all dead there's usually only one thing you can do. Go through his clothes and look for loose change.