Two thousand years ago Jesus is crucified, three days later he walks out of a cave and they celebrate with chocolate bunnies and marshmallow Peeps and beautifully decorated eggs. I guess these were things Jesus loved as a child.

Good news, they found Nemo! The bad news is, they found him in one of Wolfgang Puck's puff pastries.

A laugh is a weird sound, and when you get a couple thousand people making it at once, it's really strange. But when I can feel proud of myself for causing it, it's great.

I used to limp around my neighborhood imitating him. I did my Bar Mitzvah with an Oklahoma drawl.

Well, the way things are going, aside from wheat and auto parts, America's biggest export is now the Oscar.

I had a dream that Connie Chung is doing a newscast about my death and they show a clip from Soap.

I'm a sucker for a free tuxedo.