When I've gotten criticism, it's that it's too long, too soft, didn't hit the government hard enough. Then when I do hit the government, they go, What's he doing hitting the government?

I had a dream that Connie Chung is doing a newscast about my death and they show a clip from Soap.

I used to limp around my neighborhood imitating him. I did my Bar Mitzvah with an Oklahoma drawl.

Nothing can take the sting out of the world’s economic problems like watching millionaires present each other with golden statues.

I'm a sucker for a free tuxedo.

To be good, you need to believe in what you're doing.

My grandparents invented joylessness. They were not fun. I've already had more fun with my grandchildren than my grandparents ever had with me.