There's a deep-seated paranoia that Americans have about not being Americans or something.

I tell the audience every night, "I hope you didn't pay more than face value on that ticket, because we ain't worth more than that, and you ain't gonna get any more than that."

People in music lie, but they don't expect you to believe them. People in television actually expect you to believe the lies.

The biggest regret? This may be one of those years I have no regrets.

Sergeant O'Leary is walking the beat, at night he becomes a bar tender.

Where have you been hanging out lately honey? You can't dress trashy 'til you spend a lot of money.

I could walk away from anyone I ever knew, but I can't walk away from you.