The saloon is a liar. It promises good cheer and sends sorrow. It promises prosperity and sends adversity. It promises happiness and sends misery.... It is God's worst enemy and the devil's best friend.

Hell is the highest reward that the devil can offer you for being a servant of his.

The fellow that has no money is poor. The fellow that has nothing but money is poorer still.

Temptation is the devil looking through the keyhole. Yielding is opening the door and inviting him in.

I am an old-fashioned preacher of the old-time religion, that has warmed this cold world's heart for two thousand years.

God likes a little humor, as is evidence by the fact that he made the monkeys, the parrot -- and some of you people.

Listen, if I heard shrieks and cries coming from a house and I ran in there and I found a great big broad shouldered whiskey soaked Joe weasel, dragging his wife about by the hair, and over here, two children are unconscious from his blows and kicks and another one screaming in terror, do you think I would apologize for being there? No! I'd knock 7 kinds of pork out of that old hog.