Ah, Marilyn, Hollywood's Joan of Arc, our Ultimate Sacrificial Lamb. Well, let me tell you, she was mean, terribly mean. The meanest woman I have ever known in this town. I am appalled by this Marilyn Monroe cult. Perhaps it's getting to be an act of courage to say the truth about her. Well, let me be courageous. I have never met anyone as utterly mean as Marilyn Monroe. Nor as utterly fabulous on the screen, and that includes Garbo.

I'm delighted with it, because it used to be that films were the lowest form of art. Now we've got something to look down on.

On Ernst Lubitsch: He could do more with a closed door than other directors could do with an open fly.

[about the Hotel Marmont on Sunset Blvd., a piece of Hollywood history] I would rather sleep in a bathroom than in another hotel.

Shoot a few scenes out of focus. I want to win the foreign film award.

The only pictures worth making are the ones that are playing with fire.

If you're going to tell people the truth, be funny or they'll kill you.