The forest of Compiegne. Look at it. Like a kind grandmother dozing in her rocking chair. Old trees practicing curtsies in the wind because they still think Louis XIV is king.

If you're going to tell people the truth, be funny or they'll kill you.

[on pop idol Donny Osmond] He has Van Gogh's ear for music.

I met a lot of hard-boiled eggs in my life, but you - you're twenty minutes.

If something smells bad, why put your nose in it?

I'm not happy. I'm not happy at all.

Don't be too clever for an audience. Make it obvious. Make the subtleties obvious also.