Acting is the best job in the world. Look at the way they treat you when you turn up for work. They give you breakfast and a cup of tea and ask, 'Are you all right' They tart up your face, you say somebody else's words, then pick up your check and go home. And you get days off. I tell you, it really is the way to live.

You have to learn to hallucinate.

One of the things I've realised is that I am very simple. My wife asked me once if I loved her. I said: 'Look love, I'm a simple man. I love you. End of story.' But I guess you gotta keep saying it with women. I guess she needed reassurance.

I realised one day that men are emotional cripples. We cant express ourselves emotionally, we can only do it with anger and humour. Emotional stability and expression comes from women.

I'm very romantic. I've emptied flower shops.

Most dictators were short, fat, middle-aged and hairless. Besides Danny Devito, there's only me to play them.

Before Michael Caine you had to have been in the RAF to be an actor.