When you envy actors, only envy them for their good roles. Keep in mind they have to do a lot of roles to make a living, and not all of them are good. When they're doing a stupid role in a bad production, it's kind of a dumb thing to do when you're an adult. When you're doing a great role that's well-written, it's an enviable job.

You shouldn't eat red meat, but you shouldn't make resolutions you can't keep.

The alternative scene, for a couple years now, has been taken seriously and that's a cool thing. I don't think it's exploded or anything, but I think it's pretty cool that it still exists, it's still affecting people.

If you surround me with darkness, suddenly, I am "somewhat fun."

In the end, the thing that really stays with you is not that you were clever enough to connect a sketch to another sketch, but what really sticks with you is when you just have an incredible moment happen, or execute a really funny idea.

With acting, if a friend asked me to be in a movie or TV show, there's a lot of things on my résumé I did without reading them or knowing what they were. I just said I'd do that because a friend wrote it, directed, produced, acted in it. With directing, I'm sticking to my guns, not that a lot of people are begging me to direct.

You say you're going to be the pope, become the pope.