My sister is also retarded. Across the board. She's a one hundred per cent, honest to goodness, born that way retard. I learned a long time ago that if you're going to tell a story about your retarded sister, you need to mention she's retarded right off the bat or inevitably, at the end of the story, someone will say, What... is she, retarded? And then you have to go, Uh... yeah, she is. Followed by a lengthy, awkward silence.

I grew up in a mixed religious household. And it was volatile. My dad's atheist, my mom's agnostic. Just constant fighting. There's no God! There might be!

If you enjoy shaming people, I suggest dentistry as a profession.

You know, women are burdened with all this other crap all the time, like looking good. You need to be really superhuman to be successful as a woman.

I love my hunting dog. I loved my hunting dog - I'm not very good at hunting.

I guess the biggest issue my husband and I are going to have is how do we raise the baby... because he's Jewish and I'm Protestant and the baby's father is Catholic.

Sometimes when I'm bored, I like to people watch. And I got to a touristy area and I play this game I just made up. I call it Lesbian or Midwestern?