London is a fantastic creator of jobs - but many of these jobs are going to people who don't originate in this country.

My chances of being PM are about as good as the chances of finding Elvis on Mars, or my being reincarnated as an olive.

There is absolutely no one, apart from yourself, who can prevent you, in the middle of the night, from sneaking down to tidy up the edges of that hunk of cheese at the back of the fridge.

We celebrate the contribution of people who have come to this country to make it better.

It was the kind of blind, gulping, insensate greed that you associate with some milk-eyed creature in a volcanic fissure at the bottom of the Marianas Trench-an organism with no understanding of the existence, let alone the feelings, of other members of the ecosystem.

Ping-pong was invented on the dining tables of England in the 19th century, and it was called Wiff-waff! And there, I think, you have the difference between us and the rest of the world. Other nations, the French, looked at a dining table and saw an opportunity to have dinner; we looked at it an saw an opportunity to play Wiff-waff.

I think I was once given cocaine but I sneezed so it didn't go up my nose. In fact, it may have been icing sugar.