Talk about sexist - have you ever, ever, heard someone come up to a woman and say 'find your masculine side?' And by the way women, if you find your masculine side - I'm not interested.

There's a difference between maliciously offending somebody - on purpose - and somebody being offended by...truth. If you're offended by the truth, that's your problem. I have no obligation to not offend you if I'm speaking the truth. The truth is supposed to offend you; that's how you know you don't got it.

If God is a crutch, then atheism is a coma.

Get out of our schools God, get out of our textbooks God, get out of our government God, go away God, go away God, go away God, Katrina hits, God, where are you?

You're not a bunch of people lock-stepped with the politically correct. Oh no! Don't shoot the animals! They might get their feelings hurt!

I don't hate cats...as long as they stay on the freeway, where they belong.

Comedy, if it's done well, can reflect the mood of a nation. It can be a mirror to who we are, what we believe in, what we are like.