Everyone just wants to hear the exact jokes that apply to them and want to - everyone wants a perfectly crafted joke for them.

I was always the funny guy. Everyone wants to hang out with the funny guy.

It's when I make a joke about Indian people and then a white person comes up to me and says, "That's wrong. You should not talk about Indian people," and the Indian people are over in the audience like, "I thought that joke was hilarious." That is so weird. Then why are you getting mad? You're burning unnecessary calories. You're getting made for the sake of getting mad. I don't understand it.

I'm constantly watching satirical news programs, and just - I never want to be in a situation where someone could yell out a topic and I will have absolutely no opinion on it whatsoever, or just not even know it exists.

Women feel safe with me. Because a woman with me knows that she can stop the situation from advancing to a point that she's comfortable at any time.

I don't want to be mean. I try not to be.

I don't think I'm extremely intelligent by any means.