Some people look at creamed corn and ask, 'Why?' I look at creamed corn and ask, 'Why not?'

Do people who believe in reincarnation ever say, Darn, I'm still writing the year 1612 on my checks!

I eat like a kid. I like Chief Boyardee. Their Ravioli, but they have some stuff I've never seen in the real Italian food world. You ever been in a nice Italian restaurant? Hi how are you? Ummm id like to start with a nice bottle of Chanti and a couple of Caesar Salads and umm I'm going to have the Beef a'ronni. And some Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles for the lady.

Why are people getting on elevators shocked to find people getting off elevators?

I saw this sign posted once, it said, "Blasting Zone Ahead." Wow. Shouldn't that read: "Road Closed?" What do you mean there's a blasting zone? What am I supposed to do? "Hey-uh, you might wanna buckle up. Blasting zone coming up. Yeah. Just saw the sign. Put the helmets on back there! Yeah I think we're- (Pow!)- Oh! We're getting close! (Pow!)- Oh! This is gonna be a bad blasting zone! Remember that last one-we lost Billy?"

My parents didn't know what to do with me. They got me into Little League Baseball, I played out in right field, cause I stunk.

The big yellow one is the sun!