Do not stand directly in front of a cannon...how true that is.

It’s good to be here. I’m just trying to go through life without looking stupid. It’s not working out too well.

Hey, you know who I feel bad for? Arab-Americans who truly want to get into crop dusting.

Be adaptable, flexible and never stop learning. The rate of change will never stop and neither should you.

If you tell a kid not to run to a water slide, he/she will walk for 2 steps, then start running again.

Do people who believe in reincarnation ever say, Darn, I'm still writing the year 1612 on my checks!

I have a friend who swears by food combinations - have you heard of this nonsense? She's nuts. She's like, 'You know what? You should eat food combinations, and that way you can eat whatever you want. It's just the combinations of how you put the food together.' And then her examples are like, 'You wouldn't want to eat steak and potatoes together, but you could have, like, a lemon rind and raisin skins - not the whole raisin, take the skins and steam them.