I think the serving size of ice cream is when you hear the spoon hit the bottom of the container.

I'm capable offstage of having some dark, twisted thoughts but the kind of things I like to do onstage are just more conceptual and I don't even think of them as being clean. I don't sit down and think, "Man, I'm going to come up with some lily-white comedy!" They're just things that I like to talk about, and then at the end of the day you think, "Well, I guess that was clean" but it's not the focus.

Why are people getting on elevators shocked to find people getting off elevators?

I wasn't expecting to really draw in respected comedians but it's going to happen along the way and I'm truly honored by that.

I thought yoga was easy - I went out and I bought a yoga video tape. I bought the beginners' yoga tape. I couldn't do anything on the whole hour - nothing - just fast forwarding: can't do that, can't do that - I know I can't do that. This woman in a soothing voice: 'Simply take the bottom of your right foot and place it on the small of your back.

Hooked on Phonics worked for me.

Some people look at creamed corn and ask, 'Why?' I look at creamed corn and ask, 'Why not?'