I think the serving size of ice cream is when you hear the spoon hit the bottom of the container.

I went to the juice isle, I learned something. Cranberries are taking over everything. What do you got, apples? Put some cranberrise in there, make it 50/50. Cran-apple. Grapes? Cran-grape. Mangos? Cran-mango. Pork chops? Cran-chop!

Why are people getting on elevators shocked to find people getting off elevators?

Sometimes you'll play, like, a large venue - maybe an outdoor venue or something - where it's so big that you can see all of the disinterested people. You see the audience, but then behind the audience you see people eating ice cream, going for a walk.

Do people who believe in reincarnation ever say, Darn, I'm still writing the year 1612 on my checks!

I do a few jokes about the economy but from an everyday person perspective. People like to laugh, and they especially like to laugh during difficult circumstances.

It’s good to be here. I’m just trying to go through life without looking stupid. It’s not working out too well.