A male feminist is one of the most glorious end-products of evolution.

I do not... look very feminine. Diana, Princess of Wales is feminine... I am... femi-none.

I can only work between the hours of 8:30 and 4:30, because that's when the kids are at school. So I get to do all my work and have all of my fun in that time, which means just sitting on a chair, typing, alternately clicking between writing a column and being on Twitter, and smoking as many cigarettes as I can before my lungs give out.

I read something once that when you're online, your inhibitions are lowered to the state where you've had three drinks. Once you basically know that the entire internet is slightly drunk, it all makes a lot more sense, and you deport yourself accordingly.

I love puffins. They are small, round gothic birds, and their babies are called pufflings.

You don't need to be legendary all the time. You can just be legendary for 10 minutes a day.

I'm SO glad I spent 10 years being sad and lonely.