When you lie about your age, the terrorists win.

It was a mixed marriage. I'm human, and he was a Klingon.

Sex when you're married is like going to the 7-Eleven: There's not much variety, but at three in the morning, it's always there.

I recently became vegan because I felt that as a Jewish lesbian, I wasn't part of a small enough minority. So now I'm a Jewish lesbian vegan.

Growing up, it was always, 'If you buy kosher meat, they're killed humanely.' But I've seen so many horrible videos. What we thought was humane 100 years ago is not humane anymore. The ways animals suffer, I just couldn't be a part of it anymore.

I don't exercise. My philosophy is: No pain, no pain.

Women, stop buying the lingerie. Stop buying it right now. Oh, it's a big rip off. Oh my god, $18 bucks for panties this big? Come on, one trip through the dryer, and it's a frilly bookmark.