I have no quarrel with people who lack the skill or temperament to care for small children.
Carolyn HaxPlan your own vacations when you want to, and plan a suitable combined vacation with this other family when you want to. If they freak out at your planning your own vacations as you see fit, then let them. Bowing to unreasonable demands because someone will make you pay emotionally if you don't is not a healthy option.
Carolyn HaxAlmost no one can take on an entire future in one step, much less while reeling emotionally.
Carolyn HaxIf you're not sure what you want, then hold back from making plans or responding to invitations until you have a chance to think about it.
Carolyn HaxIf you take the time to listen to an upset child's story with empathy, and guide the child toward figuring out the root of the problem, then the result is often that the child not only calms down, but also in the future is less likely to get so upset.
Carolyn HaxFor me, the greatest source of frustration was trying to work with a willful child when there was something else I wanted - say, to get the child to go to bed so I could have my own time. Just the promise of the time, and feeling that promise slip away, was enough to introduce a whole other element of stress into the encounter.
Carolyn Hax