I actually recommend as little actual counting as possible in a life partnership. But, when there's a sense of injustice brewing between you, some counting is inevitable, and so my advice is to count using as broad a scope as possible. It's not just hours worked or chores done, either, and it's not even just about the household - it's a system of Whole Marriage Thinking. It's about hours worked, chores done, goals supported, emotional needs met, everything. What it all takes out of you, what it all gives back. It all factors in.
Carolyn HaxAll of us assign different values to things, and not all of those values are going to line up with others'.
Carolyn HaxYour friends will need you, too, someday. Maybe not in the same way, maybe not in cash and shelter, but they'll need you - to listen without judging, to invite them over when they're lonely, to show up for their events, to register in whatever way matters to them that they matter to you. Be on the lookout for these opportunities to give back, and do whatever is in your power not to miss many of them.
Carolyn HaxYou don't want to be with someone who is already not getting from you what he needs emotionally.
Carolyn HaxIt's hard to send your baby off on a plane without you, though that's less reasonable, because sending him off in a car is statistically a bigger risk.
Carolyn Hax