If the guests want to wrest the check away from the host, because the host is also the guest of honor, then the guest who volunteers has to cover the whole thing. A guest can't volunteer -all- of the guests to pay for the host/honoree.

I believe in innocence until there's proof of guilt and all that.

I think we'd all hate to be the one who gets declared undateable by one's entire grad-school population based on a couple of told and retold stories.

No matter what else comes, your courage will be your companion for life.

A lot of support gets withheld out of fear of awkwardness and misspeaking.

If you're not sure what you want, then hold back from making plans or responding to invitations until you have a chance to think about it.

You don't want someone who can't tell the difference between having a different opinion and dismissing your opinion.