It is the law of life that if you are kind to someone you feel happy. If you arecruel you are unhappy. And if you hurt someone, you will be hurt back.

You know I have about the same interest in jewelry as I have in politics, horse racing, modern poetry, and women who need weird excitement – none.

To succeed with the opposite sex, tell her you're impotent. She can't wait to disprove it.

I was a self-centered bore. I was masochistic, and only thought I was happy. When I woke up and said, "there must be something wrong with me", I grew up. Because I never understood myself, how could I hope to understand anyone else? That's why I can truly say that now I can give a woman love for the first time in my life, because I can understand her.

Do your job and demand your compensation - but in that order.

I improve in misquotation.

To write an autobiography, you've got to expose other people. I hope to get out of this world as gracefully as possible, without embarrassing anyone.