To succeed with the opposite sex, tell her you're impotent. She can't wait to disprove it.

To write an autobiography, you've got to expose other people. I hope to get out of this world as gracefully as possible, without embarrassing anyone.

There must be something between us, even if it's only an ocean.

All it takes are a few simple outfits. And there's one secret - The Simpler The Better

Dying's tough - but not as tough as comedy.

Everyone wants to be Cary Grant. Even I want to be Cary Grant. Let me expand a bit. I sense that you may feel that I am free of problems. Let me assure you that I have the same anxieties and insecurities as anyone in this auditorium - maybe more.

A shot of brandy can save your life, but a bottle of brandy can kill you.