I improve on misquotation.

Everyone tells me I've had such an interesting life, but sometimes I think it's been nothing but stomach disturbances and self-concern.

I acted like Cary Grant for so long that I became Cary Grant

Do your job and demand your compensation - but in that order.

Dying's tough - but not as tough as comedy.

To write an autobiography, you've got to expose other people. I hope to get out of this world as gracefully as possible, without embarrassing anyone.

I was a fat-headed guy, full of pain.