Each of us wages a private battle each day between the grand fantasies we have for ourselves and what actually happens.

I was going to sip on a diet soda, but a little voice convinced me I needed the extra calcium from a cup of hot chocolate.

Every time I get something under control in my own life, the world provides more material.

Everyday is a new beginning and a chance to blow it.

Wake me up when I'm a size 5.

Now I'm searching for a slightly overweight, single, childless woman who doesn't have a date and isn't too depressing to be around. It's getting harder to find a girlfriend than a boyfriend.

I'm most proud of having created something that men never completely get.