My parents only had one argument in 45 years. It lasted 43 years.

Jews can't serve on juries because they insist they're guilty.

All religions are the same: religion is basically guilt, with different holidays.

Marriage is very difficult. Marriage is like a five-thousand-piece jigsaw puzzle, all sky.

I got a postcard from my gynecologist. It said, Did you know it's time for your annual check-up? No, but now my mailman does.

Marriage is like a 5,000- piece jigsaw of the sky.

I don't have any kids. Well, at least none I know about.