My parents only had one argument in 45 years. It lasted 43 years.

My parents only had one argument in 45 years. It lasted 43 years.

Jews can't serve on juries because they insist they're guilty.

Makeup is such a weird concept. I'll wake up in the morning and look in the mirror. 'Gee, I really don't look so good. Maybe if my eyelids were blue, I'd be more attractive.

I got a postcard from my gynecologist. It said, Did you know it's time for your annual check-up? No, but now my mailman does.

Marriage is very difficult. Marriage is like a five-thousand-piece jigsaw puzzle, all sky.

All religions are the same: religion is basically guilt, with different holidays.