I got a postcard from my gynecologist. It said, Did you know it's time for your annual check-up? No, but now my mailman does.

I don't have any kids. Well, at least none I know about.

Makeup is such a weird concept. I'll wake up in the morning and look in the mirror. 'Gee, I really don't look so good. Maybe if my eyelids were blue, I'd be more attractive.

Jews can't serve on juries because they insist they're guilty.

I think racism is a terrible thing. I think we should all learn to hate each other on a individual basis.

All religions are the same: religion is basically guilt, with different holidays.

Marriage is like a 5,000- piece jigsaw of the sky.