I have two rules. One is, never trust a man who smokes a pipe. The other is, never trust a man with shiny shoes.

If you can only remain pure in your stupidity, someday you may get a phone call from hell.

People just don't know how to write down a simple easy line. It's difficult for them; it's like trying to keep a hard-on while drowning - not many can do it.

Yes?’ he asked, looking at me over the sheet. ‘I’m a writer temporarily down on my inspirations.’ ‘Oh, a writer, eh?’ ‘Yes.’ ‘Are you sure?’ ‘No, I’m not.’ ‘What do you write?’ ‘Short stories mostly. And I’m halfway through a novel.’ ‘A novel, eh?’ ‘Yes.’ ‘What’s the name of it?’ ‘”The Leaky Faucet of My Doom.”‘ ‘Oh, I like that. What’s it about?’ ‘Everything.’ ‘Everything? You mean, for instance, it’s about cancer?’ ‘Yes.’ ‘How about my wife?’ ‘She’s in there too.

there are so many days when living stops and pulls up and sits and waits like a train on the rails.

when the phone rings I too would like to hear words that might ease some of this.

It was better for me when I could imagine greatness in others, even if it wasn't always there.