This is my depressed stance. When you're depressed, it makes a lot of difference how you stand. The worst thing you can do is straighten up and hold your head high because then you'll start to feel better. If you're going to get any joy out of being depressed, you've got to stand like this.

Goodbys always make my throat hurt... I need more hellos.

Only in math can you buy sixty cantaloupes and no one asks what the hell is wrong with you.

Sometimes I lie awake at night and I ask, "Is life a multiple choice test or is it a true or false test?" ...Then a voice comes to me out of the dark and says, "We hate to tell you this but life is a thousand word essay.

There's nothing like unrequited love to take all the flavor out of a peanut butter sandwich.

All of earth's creatures have, hidden within their beings, a wild uncontrollable urge to punt!

Why me, lord? Don't answer that!