Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, which is a pity because this week the National Association of Beholders wrote to tell me that I've got a face like a rucksack full of dented bells.

Man the lifeboats. The idiots are winning.

[My parents when I was a kid] would go, "It's a nice hot day. Why are you inside watching the TV?" And you go, "Well, 'cause it's better?"

My theory is that we used to have several personalities, and now we're encouraged to have one online.

My kids are very young. I'm sure there's a world of horror for me to worry about as they get older.

In the U.K. I'm probably better known as a comedy writer - or certainly that's my background is in writing comedy.

Whenever anything nice happens in the world I always expect something appalling to happen immediately afterwards.