A person who is without fear cannot be controlled.
That which you seek, is causing you to seek.
We have a choice. We can love our lives trying to conform to some nebulous standard, or we can live our lives seeing how everything works. When we step back and look at it that way, it is obvious that the attitude of fascination is the only intelligent one to bring to anything.
Your definition of who you are is your prison. You can set yourself free at any time.
Going in the wrong direction but making really good time
If you want to know what you were conditioned to believe as a child, look at how you treat yourself now.