I am a freelancer. My services are available to anyone at any time.

Any time you're lucky enough to get on a show people watch, it's a good thing.

A big company is like trying to steer a luxury liner.

When comedians get successful, the fans that they have aren't the fans they would hang out with. I don't have that problem.

Playing Xbox for 23 hours straight is cool and all, but I'm going to teach you how to spend time on things in your life that will get you the following two things: paid and laid.

Humans cannot produce viable offspring with our closest animal cousin: the chimpanzee. We cannot impregnate a chimp. So you know what that means? No condoms.

Being constructively critical is good, as long as your purpose is to improve your methods for future endeavors. Lying in bed and replaying failures and telling yourself you're stupid is a tremendous disservice to your efforts and what you can offer the world.