Sober strip clubs are horrible. When you are sober you see the matrix code behind a strip club. You're paying girls to pretend to like you until you run out of money so they can walk away.

If you wish to achieve any success in this life, do your best to surround yourself with an orgy of good choices.

I love the South. Although I grew up primarily in Memphis, my family moved around a ton when I was a kid. I guess I never stayed in one place long enough to pick up the accent, but I definitely identify as a Southerner.

When comedians get successful, the fans that they have aren't the fans they would hang out with. I don't have that problem.

I do podcasts for the same reasons I do stand-up comedy. I love it, and I don't care if anybody else gets it.

The nerds provide the toys that distract the morons. So the nerds are sort of the new drug-dealers. We're the drug dealers of the 21st century because we provide all the brain candy for the mouth-breathers, for lack of a better word.

Fleetwood Mac is just one of my all-time favorite bands.