Playing Xbox for 23 hours straight is cool and all, but I'm going to teach you how to spend time on things in your life that will get you the following two things: paid and laid.

Every time I finish a record, it's sort of feels like, "I can't believe that I'm hanging out and having a conversation, and people are gonna listen to this." It's an odd thing, but it's really cool.

If you're looking to freelance, just get as many gigs going as you can, and you can make it work... It's about getting as many side projects as possible, keeping as many balls in the air as you can, and what you're doing, basically, is diversifying your portfolio, with the same kinds of rewards. One falls through, and you still have another one to work on.

One of the many reasons why I love stand-up so much is when you're performing, you get instant feedback. You know if stuff is working right away.

Mainstream culture is like your mom: It's always a little late to catch on and gets easily confused by technology, but it means well.

Some people learn comedy, and some people just are comedy.

I've been out of work so many times in my life that relying too much on just one job is terrifying.