Playing Xbox for 23 hours straight is cool and all, but I'm going to teach you how to spend time on things in your life that will get you the following two things: paid and laid.

I've been out of work so many times in my life that relying too much on just one job is terrifying.

We just make stuff that we think is funny and fun, and I think that's the most you can do. I think if you're chasing virality, it just feels desperate.

We're gonna have fun, god***it!

When you look at your freelance career, it's really like a mall. And if you look at a mall, it's a self-contained system that has a flow and logic to it. You'll probably have one or two really bigger jobs, those are like your anchor stores.

Sober strip clubs are horrible. When you are sober you see the matrix code behind a strip club. You're paying girls to pretend to like you until you run out of money so they can walk away.

Growing up in the 70s and 80s, it took effort to be a nerd. You had to seek out the nerd stuff.