Real philosophy is like trying to read an alarm system installation manual in Korean.

It's so much easier to give advice than to take it.

My mom is a big sports fans. Basketball, football, baseball, whatever. She calls into sports radio shows and gets into shouting matches, that's how intense she is about it.

I've gone from being bullied by jocks as a kid to being bullied by nerds as an adult.

There's no ironic appreciation of things we love, even of things that are in fact ridiculous, which a hipster might take and own and show the world the humor in it.

When you hang around a lot of comedians long enough, you realize there's a certain gene, in every comedian. It's why we get hyper-analytical about things.

Be offended by everything or be offended by nothing.