Some people learn comedy, and some people just are comedy.

I almost think of nerd brains as rattlesnake venom; like, you can milk it. You can milk the pulpy venom out of the nerd brain and use it for good if you want to.

When I was in grade school I was into chess club, Latin club, D&D, computer camp - everything that made vaginas go away.

Playing Xbox for 23 hours straight is cool and all, but I'm going to teach you how to spend time on things in your life that will get you the following two things: paid and laid.

I learned not to confuse 'busy' with 'productive,' but I'm still far too addicted to email to resist its early-morning digital snuggles.

I like listening to people talk about things that they love. They get to express things they don't normally get to express.

Trying to make strangers laugh is crazy and more than a little narcissistic.