When I was in grade school I was into chess club, Latin club, D&D, computer camp - everything that made vaginas go away.

The goal of almost every comic is to find a comedy voice - a specific point of view that an audience can latch onto.

Be offended by everything or be offended by nothing.

Stand-up isn't something I just sit down and start writing - it's ideas you come up with in the shower, while you're driving, waiting in line.

Every time I finish a record, it's sort of feels like, "I can't believe that I'm hanging out and having a conversation, and people are gonna listen to this." It's an odd thing, but it's really cool.

Jokes that make me laugh out loud when I write them almost always bomb. I have no idea why.

We're gonna have fun, god***it!