Men, all men, were always trying to get hold of me, you know.

We knew we were talking about spies. I knew he knew I knew. I was digging my own grave.

As a little girl I used to daydream about my real father coming on a white horse to rescue me.

However I dress it up, I was a spy and I am not proud of it.

One way of reading my life is that I have been in constant search for a father.

I enjoyed sex and indulged in it when I fancied the men.

I'm terrified of men these days. If someone asked me out now, I don't know what I'd say, how I'd react. But I couldn't go through with it, not at all. I suppose I've been terrified of them all along.