One way of reading my life is that I have been in constant search for a father.
The fathers, if they got me alone, would try to kiss and fondle me. I hated it.
I never found anyone who was good enough, who I could trust enough.
However I dress it up, I was a spy and I am not proud of it.
As a little girl I used to daydream about my real father coming on a white horse to rescue me.
I'm terrified of men these days. If someone asked me out now, I don't know what I'd say, how I'd react. But I couldn't go through with it, not at all. I suppose I've been terrified of them all along.