... but to remain historically accurate, I would have had to leave out an important question that I felt needed to be addressed, which is, 'What if Jesus had known kung fu?

Nobody's perfect... Well, there was this one guy, but we killed him.

Do we still have to floss?" Tommy asked. "I mean, what's the point of being immortal if we have to floss?

I think I'm what they call a never-was.

...then he looked at my T-shirt and saw Byron's picture on it and he quoted "She Walks in Beauty," which is like my favorite poem next to the one by Baudelaire about his girlfriend being nothing but worm food, except that Lily called that one first because Baudelaire is her fave poet and so she got the shirt with him on it, even though Byron is way more scrumptious and I would do him on sharp gravel if I had the chance. --from The Chronicles of Abby Normal

It's wildly irritating to have invented something as revolutionary as sarcasm, only to have it abused by amateurs.

Marry for love, stay married, and raise happy children who are quick to laugh and slow to judge.