This is the man who called the fire department when the toilet backed up, and I'm asking him for help. What was I thinking? Why am I attracted to weak men?

And an inky-colored despair of rejection enveloped me like the black tortilla of depression around a pain burrito.

Everyone is happier if they have someone else to look down on, as well as someone to look up to, especially if they resent both.

The pursuit of material gain is ultimately empty when measured against eternity.

Children see magic because they look for it.

Charlie Asher: Mrs. Ling, is that duck wearing trousers? Mrs. Ling: Could be . . . . You hear of paper-wrap chicken? This duck in pants.

The netherworld is timeless and unchanging, and boring -- much like a doctor's waiting room.