This is the man who called the fire department when the toilet backed up, and I'm asking him for help. What was I thinking? Why am I attracted to weak men?

Do we still have to floss?" Tommy asked. "I mean, what's the point of being immortal if we have to floss?

If you like what you're reading, I probably wrote it.

Oh, I get it," I said. "It's a parable. Cute. Let's go eat.

Compliment but do not covet.

Inside, I was like: "Ha, suck my spiky rubber strap-on, vampyre hunter!

Life is an irritation.