Everyone is happier if they have someone else to look down on, as well as someone to look up to, especially if they resent both.

Perhaps there is a reason that there is no fool piece on the chessboard. What action, a fool? What strategy, a fool? What use, a fool? Ah, but a fool resides in a deck of cards, a joker, sometimes two. Of no worth, of course. No real purpose. The appearance of a trump, but none of the power: Simply an instrument of chance. Only a dealer may give value to the joker.

The problem with being nuts, she thought, is that you don't always feel as if you're nuts. Sometimes, in fact, you feel perfectly sane, and there just happens to be a trailer-shaped dragon crouching in the lot next door.

I've seen more intelligence in the crotch lice of harem whores.

He invented Kung Fu when translated to English means method by which short, bald guys can kick the bejeezus out of you.

Kayso, it turns out that driving an actual car is way harder than it is in 'Grand Theft Auto: Zombie Hooker Smackdown.

Inside, I was like: "Ha, suck my spiky rubber strap-on, vampyre hunter!