Stephenie Meyer: Her vampires are sparkly, which I think we can all agree is wrong.

The netherworld is timeless and unchanging, and boring -- much like a doctor's waiting room.

Marry for love, stay married, and raise happy children who are quick to laugh and slow to judge.

Theophilus Crowe's mobile phone played eight bars of "Tangled Up in Blue" in an irritating electronic voice that sounded like a choir of suffering houseflies, or Jiminy Cricket huffing helium, or, well, you know, Bob Dylan.

Charlie had Sophie strapped to his chest like a terrorist baby bomb when he came down the back steps. She had just gotten to the point where she could hold up her head, so he had strapped her in face-out so she could look around. The way her arms and legs waved around as Charlie walked, she looked as if she was skydiving and using a skinny nerd as a parachute.

No one knows why, but second only to eating the brains of the living, the dead love affordable prefab furniture.

So Now You're Death: Here's What You'll Need