Stephenie Meyer: Her vampires are sparkly, which I think we can all agree is wrong.

He was a writer and words were his weapons.

They want to be tied up, I tie them up. They want to be spanked, I spank them. They want to be called names, I call them names. But try and drink a little of their blood, and they scream like babies. What about my needs?

This story is not and never was meant to challenge anyone's faith; however, if one's faith can be shaken by stories in a humorous novel, one may have a bit more praying to do.

Everyone is happier if they have someone else to look down on, as well as someone to look up to, especially if they resent both.

Sometimes this high-tech world calls for low-tech solutions.

Then someone started pounding on the door. And not a little "Hey, what's up?" pound. Like there was a big sale on door pounds down at the Pound Outlet. Buy one, get one free at Pounds-n-Stuff. --Being the Journal of Abby Normal