I love being from a screwed up family. We have everything in my family: prescription drug abuse, mental illness, one of my uncles is a Mormon.

Revenge is good. It's what separates us from the animals and the hippies.

A black widow loves her mate then kills him. A praying mantis loves her mate then eats him. Women love my dad, but he's too big to eat.

Anyone look back at their high school career and just shudder at what you got away with and didn't die?

A salamander can grow a new tail in three weeks. My dad can score new tail in three minutes.

We don't have home movies in my family. We have people's exhibit A.

My dad's full of encouragement and support. It just feels like abandonment and neglect.